Rocks and Sand

LeeAnn and I spent the 4th of July weekend at Snowbird. We stayed at one of the resort hotels and invited our kids who were in town to come up and do the mountain activities with us on Saturday. I think they had a ball. I know I did and LeeAnn had as good a time as she could with a nasty cold.
This morning I woke up early as I sometimes do, in one of those "got lots to do" fevers. This time it wasn't about more work at the office to do than I can possibly get done though. I was thinking more about things that needed to be addressed at home. And foremost was a feeling that I need to take care of the things that "matter most" and start shedding some of the things that don't make that list.
At age 50+, the fact that I won't live long enough to do all the things that I might like to do is coming home to roost. If I live to be 100, I'm still more than half dead. Continuing to fool myself about this, and putting off decisions about what gets my attention and what gets ash-canned has to qualify as one version of leaning uphill.
One of the things that has to stay on the attention list is quality time with family. This whole weekend was very satisfying: A weekend away with my wife, a day playing with family and then today, attending the blessing of my niece's new baby and time spent with extended family. These kinds of things can't be pushed off onto a siding.
I'm one of those guys who's attention gets grabbed by a whole lot of things. The whole world--nearly--is interesting to me. And I probably don't have to give up as much of it as I may think. I remember someone giving a talk in church or a speech somewhere else wherein they used a very graphic visual aid. They placed a large glass jar on the podium and then next to it set a bucket of large rocks, a pail of small gravel chunks and a jar of sand. They then tried to fit all of these quarry products into the jar by first dumping in the sand, then the gravel, and finally the rocks. It all never came close to going in. But when they dumped it all out again and then put in first the stones, then the gravel and finally the sand, the smaller ingredients sifted around the larger ones, already in place and it all fit nicely. Magic!
My first task has to be finding the five or six large rocks in my life and fitting them in first before I start giving up other things. Otherwise I might end up giving up half my life or more and still not having room to fit the big things in.
Refusing to make discerning choices: It's definitely one of the more egregious ways I have of trying to ski leaning uphill.

"An excuse is worse, and more terrible than a lie."
--Alexander Pope

I listened to that quote while "reading" and audio book I have by Dr. Wayne dyer entitled; "Excuses Begone!". An excuse, like a lie, is likely the most common form I find myself using to "lean uphill".
I've grown mature and have somewhat more integrity than I once had. My excuses are more subtle and my lies whiter. If it were not so, my "B.S.-O-Meter" would peg its needle in the red and I'd be forced to confront or re-confront the fairy tale I was currently trying to sell to myself.
Lies take forms like, "That doesn't matter to me." or, "I'm not interested in that sort of thing anymore." Excuses too have to be well thought-out and have as their basis, reasons for my failures that are difficult for me or others to criticize. "I didn't get that done because I have been insanely busy at work." Getting my work done is a fine and noble thing. But once in a while I am uncomfortably reminded that work is not the only thing I've been busy with, and that other uses of my time, most not so noble, could just as easily be blamed for my failure to keep a commitment. If I allow that sort of thinking however, I'm in danger of having to confront the fact that the things I don't get around to in life are usually things that I simply am uncomfortable doing or that are boring or difficult.
People like Wayne Dyer make it more difficult to maintain my carefully-crafted self-delusions. They invite too much introspection and then, when my subterfuges are sufficiently bold-faced and not to be maintained with any integrity, these people invite me to make commitments to change, all the while proving that in the long run, change is much easier than staying inside a useless or harmful comfort zone.